Bachelor Arie: Week 4

Welcome back to another week of what might just be the most uneventful season of the Bachelor EVER. The only saving grace of this season is that there are certainly some good contenders for Bachelor in Paradise and for the next Bachelorette! Small victories.

So the women are sitting around in their jammies waiting for a date card and in walks Chris Harrison to tell them to pack their bags to head to their first exotic location, Lake Tahoe! It always makes me chuckle when they have to pretend to be excited to go to the next state over and there’s inevitably at least one woman who looks utterly confused in the background.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been able to get to know Arie, albeit very small and surface-level things. This episode, however, was very telling about him as a person, how he prioritizes and where his interests truly lie. The verdict isn’t good, IMO, and I think I officially hate him. I’ll give you a list later, but for now let’s move on to the one-on-one.

The card comes in and everybody is sitting patiently waiting to see who the lucky or unlucky—RIP Lauren S—gal will be. It’s Sienne, which makes me excited because this date might actually have some substance. Arie comes in to pick her up and Bekah is quick to slide her sweater down to expose her tiny tank top hiding below. Did you notice that? Her tactics are so juvenile and so obvious and, sadly, are so working on his tiny pea brain.

The parasailing date was cool because it was so loud that we didn’t have to hear Arie speak for most of it. When they sat down to have the picnic, Sienne is trying so hard to elicit real conversation and Arie is like:

Can we all agree she is, like, way out of his league?

Ugh whatever. The dinner portion of the date is good and they get serenaded by some rando and she gets the rose. Nothing really else to say about this one.

Meanwhile, back at the house Maquel gets some bad news about her grandfather passing and I can’t help but think grandpa took one for the team to save Maquel from this horror. Sadly, I think I saw her in next week’s promo so she probably comes back. Should’ve run when you had the chance.

This group date follows suit of Arie’s weird fascination with putting the women in danger. I know the TV networks have gotten very lax with what they will allow but drinking pee, seriously? That’s low, even for the Bachelor.

So let me get this straight…the date is….split up into teams and try to have millennials use a map? LOL. The cruelty continues.

Krystal: These women are desperate for attention and are not secure in their relationships with Arie, They are threatened by me because I come off as flawless.

Also Krystal: Can I just have a quick moment of your time to remind you I’m not here to play games and I like you?

Probably the best moment of the episode comes when Arie has his arm around Krystal in the hot tub and Caroline and Tia are mimicking them. Krystal decides it’s in her best interest to pull them aside later to let them know she’s feeling attacked, at which point Tia tells her to STFU and keep their names out of her mouth. Krystal is flabbergasted by this and has NO idea what she has done wrong because she has NO idea how to behave in real life. Tia gives it to her straight, letting her know TBH everybody finds you annoying and it’s probably in your best interest to just stop speaking.

I think we all can agree we want to be friends with Caroline and Tia. I have NO idea why he let Caroline go, other than the fact that she’s clearly self-sufficient and smarter than he is. He seems keen on keeping people like Jenna and this season’s un-iced poptart, Lauren, around for a while.

Arie: Lauren, can I steal you?

Lauren: Uh, I guess.

I KNOW you all heard Lauren say to him, “So what are you looking for, besides someone with a flexible schedule?” Way way wait…THAT’S what you’ve communicated thus far? What exactly does that mean? Are you so busy showing houses in Scottsdale that you need somebody to be home to let the dog out? No, what I read into this is somebody without an actual career.

So let’s tackle this Bekah situation.

YES, we all know and while some have very strong opinions about the age-gap, I really couldn’t care less. So what if it looks like she’s making out with her dad! If that’s what she wants to do, it’s legal. My issue, however, is that at 22, Bekah possesses more intelligence, worldliness and zest for life than Arie does at 36. She has so much to give and deserves to be loved by somebody who is going to life her up and encourage her, not a potato. She has some growing up to do, sure, but I don’t think that means she isn’t ready for a real relationship. He asks her, “Are you ready to get married?” several times during their date and I think her response was really poignant. “How can you know if you’re ready to get married if you haven’t met the right person yet?” Arie’s response is, “But I need a wife.” Which leads me to my aforementioned list of things I hate about Arie:

       1. He calls them girls, not women. Sounds simple, but also kind of speaks to how he views           them.

       2. He cuts someone off at least once an episode to kiss them. Zero interest in what she was         saying.

       3. He has zero ability to console someone or seem remotely concerned when they are upset.

       4.  He is here to find a wife, regardless of who she is. He. Is. Not. Leaving. Without. A. Wife.

We lose Brittany and Caroline this episode, which makes about as much sense to me as Kendall’s stuffed bird. I’m finding myself wanting to cheat and read spoilers about this season because I really am more interested in who the next Bachelorette could be. I’ll give it another week.