Bachelor Ben: Hometowns!

Awww man it’s hometown week! Secondly only to the fantasy suite, this is the most awkward episode of the season. Guaranteed to have weird parents, awkward conversations and unrealistic mansions that apparently everybody lives in.

We start with Amanda and her daughters and Ben and his capris, which was actually a really adorable moment. They are both super cute little gals and when the older one asked, “Where’s Ben?” I melted a little. He did so well with them playing on the beach and Amanda was like, “Thank god. If this works out I can finally go get a pedicure.”

Amanda’s family was ready to fire the hard questions at Ben, all of which he answered wonderfully. In the end, though, I think we all knew that compared to fun-loving Lauren, sassy JoJo and bat-shit-crazy Caila, Amanda is just in a different place in her life and Ben isn’t ready. My heart breaks a little knowing he will never say my name again (until the Women Tell All!).

Next up to Portland, where Ben and Lauren have a good time wandering the streets and meandering through the shopping district.

Lauren: “Here are the food trucks. I want to try, like, a bunch of them. Did you bring the company card?”

They also go to something called a whiskey library which Lauren refers to as “romantic” and I couldn’t disagree more. The word whiskey reminds me of line dancing and the word library reminds me of a nap. She also said “lie-bare-ey” so I have to go now before I punch something.

Lauren’s family calls her Lo Lo which is endearing and sweet. I seriously think she was the only one with a normal family experience for Ben, which again isn’t exciting because we all know he loves her. Ben’s sister, who is a scary scary little troll, takes him aside to grill him about why Lauren is special. Ben’s answer? Full-on man tears. The sister didn’t really know what to say or do, so they just smiled and went back to the dinner table.

Lauren’s Dad: So how many women did you meet through this process?

Ben: 28. Well, there was that one waitress in Mexico, but that was only the one night.

Before he left in his uber XL, Lauren and Ben chat a little and it is becoming clear to me that she and Caila must be sharing a room because homegirl is making less and less sense as the weeks go on. I guess love with do that to ya.

Onto crazy Caila’s hometown in…I actually don’t know where because I was up getting a snack. This was a great setup for a hometown. Oh, my dad is conveniently the CEO of this toy factory and we are going to go build a house together! Ben is obviously sexually attracted to Caila. Every chance he gets he is mentioning how she’s a sex panther. We get it, dude. She’s got a one way ticket to the fantasy suite.

Oh my god Caila’s dad looks like a doll. Her mom is adorable and has a whole Filipino meal prepared, which means she’s never seen this show before because nobody ate anything. Immediately, Mom and Ben go to have a serious chat which was nice and all but meanwhile Caila is losing more marbles on the couch talking to her dad.

Caila: “I know this is it, Daddy. He’s the one. Am I crazy for thinking that?”

Caila’s dad: (In the voice of Tim Gunn) “Darling! There’s no rulebook for love!”

This whole sequence reminded me of the little mermaid.

Then Ben and dad go to have a chat and Caila is freaking out on the couch to her mom. It’s like all the feels came at once. She asks her mom if she thinks Ben loves her. Like, what is your mom supposed to say? Of course her mom is like, “Yeah, he totes does!” because genetics and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Now Caila is convinced she needs to tell Ben she loves him so she sweetly walks him to the car, kisses him and….does absolutely nothing.

Cool.

I am so sad about JoJo’s date because just when she was finally opening up to Ben, the producers had to go and throw a wrench in the plan by getting the ex involved.

JoJo: I can’t believe he did this! I can’t believe he sent roses to the house!

Ben: Totes. But, like, can I borrow three of those tomorrow? We’re running low on funds after the McDonald’s commercial so…

Luckily they got over it and went to JoJo’s MANSION for dinner and, there waiting in the kitchen, were the two pitbull brothers. The dad was clearly trying to stay out of the conversation and camera frame as much as possible. Mom on the other hand was drinking wine DIRECTLY FROM THE BOTTLE.

JoJo’s mom for president.

I understand the brothers’ concerns, but they wanted Ben to say things that he just couldn’t. You know he can’t say he loves her. You know he can’t say who he’s picking. Asking him to do that is just setting him up for failure. And a fail it totally was.

While Ben Bin is getting grilled by the brothers, JoJo and her tipsy mom are having a heart-to-heart on the couch.

JoJo’s mom: It’s totally going to work out. It’s going to be great.

JoJo: Mom, there’s still three other girls left.

JoJo’s mom: Oh.

Well, this was fun. Everybody is uncomfortable, including me, so it’s time to go.

Rose ceremony time! In the end, Ben really wanted to see JoJo naked didn’t see a future with Amanda so he let her go. She was nice about it, but basically said, “I was already home with my kids. Why did you make me come back and stand here like an idiot?” It was essentially the same message conveyed by Becca, just nicer. He apologized, and Amanda left like the precious angel she is.

Next week, the fantasy suite cards arrive and I will gladly mouth the entire date card along with the reader as I always do. Sadly, I will be away for work so it will probably be just as late as this week’s blog. Sorry in advance!