Okay, so, not gonna lie…I totally didn’t watch the Bach
until FRIDAY last week. What kind of sick monster am I, right? But seriously, I
had to catch the Grammy’s and watch my girl Taylor slay the stage (although she
looked like a walking ad for Dunkin Donuts in that getup). Anyway, my b. I’m
here now. Let’s do this.
The week before hometowns is crucial in figuring out what
kind of season we are going to end up with. If there’s still a villain around
for hometowns, the season is pretty much doomed because that means she probs
ends up the winner (see also Vienna and Courtney). But, since the villain(s)
are long gone at this point, we can assume that Ben’s season will end on a
little bit more of a high note. He seems to genuinely care for his remaining ladies,
so the big drama will probably come when he has to pick who he loves more at
the end. What a tough life; in love with two perfectly-symmetrical and
sunshine-y ladies and get to CHOOSE which one you like better. Sign me up.
But, like, not for the ladies part.
Last season, in an obvious attempt to divert the paparazzi
from spoiling the finale, the Bachelor had the parents meet farmer Chris NOT in
Iowa and instead at a weird remote location. This week, we’re going to Warsaw
so Ben can show off his hometown, but maybe that means we won’t be back for the
meet-the-parents episode. Anyway, Ben
has a cute little hometown he wants to show off, so he goes to meet his parents
in a crowded restaurant to describe the ladies one by one.
Ben: “Amanda is a shockingly beautiful mom, Caila is just
regular beautiful, Emily is a twin. Oh, and none of these women have any
interests or professions. They’re just pretty or have children.”
Ben goes to the house and invites Lauren B. out on a date in
front of all the other women, which wasn’t awkward at all. Lauren B., who I
guess we can just start calling Lauren now, runs upstairs to get “ready” for
her date that she was pretty much already “ready” for. They leave and the women
sit and discuss how awkward it was for him to ask her out in front of them,
because they had no idea he was dating other women during this process.
I sort of got bored and distracted during the date to the
community center, but Ben working with kids was obviously super cute and that
one pissed off kid was the best part. At
this point, we know he and Lauren have a solid relationship so I kind of don’t
care what happens with them because we all know she’s a shoe-in for the finale.
I’m glad they had fun, but let’s move on.
Ben takes JoJo to Chicago (which shows how much there was to
do in his hometown) and they play baseball at Wrigley Field. JoJo calls him “Bin”
which is kind of cute except that it’s not. There’s ominous thunder occurring
throughout and although they had a great talk at dinner about why JoJo is so
scared, I just see it being too little too late (you see what I did there?).
But, for realz, she wore a sweater on her date instead of a bodycon dress so, 4
for you, Glen Coco.
Who knew there could be so many awkward dates in one season?
I thought the aqua pigs date was bad but this kite-flying situation is painful.
Nobody is having fun on this date. Nobody. Becca uses this opportunity to tell
Ben she is uncomfortable and slightly unhappy but likes him anyway. It has
become abundantly clear that Ben isn’t sure how to take Becca these last few
weeks because ever since the Bahamas she’s been using her time with him to
whine. You should just be making out with him. Follow Caila’s lead!
Speaking of Caila, she takes her ten minutes with Ben to
talk about how she’s moss and doesn’t answer any of his questions about her
5-year plan and basically doesn’t actually say anything at all and confuses
America even further. And yet Ben is all googly-eyed so whatever. I’m getting cheese
fries.
Amanda is the only one who has a real conversation with him
and wins herself the date rose which everyone is pissed about until they find
out that…wait…the winner gets to work at McDonald’s for the day. As somebody
who used to work at McDonald’s, it is not that glamorous. And she didn’t even
get to be in the commercial that ABC keeps showing. LAME DATE, BRO.
Then Ben chooses EMILY to go on the meet-my-folks date and
it goes about as well as anybody could’ve imagined. After all, she talked about
being average and liking ducks and made Ben’s mom cry. I’m not sure how much
more I need to say about this. They pull up to the rental home on a boat
(classy) and Ben sits Emily down to let her know what it is while JoJo and
Becca peer out the window awkwardly. They can’t tell if she’s happy or sad
until she comes back into the house and full on Kim K ugly cries. Sorry, E.
Take a duck for the road.
The rose ceremony was painful to watch because everybody
knew Becca was donezo and if you didn’t shame on you. Ben blindsided Becca and
she used her final 3 minutes to reprimand him for this because she totes asked
him not to do that. He was like, “Sorry, this is my show and I’ll do what I
want.” It’s okay, Becca. We like you better on snapchat anyway (@beccatilley)
Until hometowns…
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