Bachelorette Kaitlyn Week 6

Another episode, another villain, another cliffhanger ending. Why, ABC, why?!

After last week’s abrupt ending, alongside all of the Nick controversy, I expected the opening sequence of this episode to go very differently. I was hoping for some screaming and man brawling but, alas, there was none. Nick was always very sure of himself on Andi’s season, and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about him that is so off-putting, but something in me just doesn’t like the guy. That being said, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I thought the guys were a bit harsh.

TBH, nobody cares if you guys like him. You don’t need to like him and you don’t need to become his BFF (unless you’re JJ because let’s get real, nobody likes you, either. It would probably be in your best interest to make a friend). If you were smart, you would’ve taken a page out of the Bens’ books and played the strong silent card. Instead, they were nitpicky at best and unsuccessful in making him look bad. In fact, it was Tanner and Joshua who came out looking like fools. And the more they tried throughout the episode, the deeper into their graves they fell.

Tanner: I saw you hung out with Andi on Twitter.

Nick: I see that you’re drinking beer out of a wine glass.

The part of this whole Nick drama that I don’t quite understand is the part where it isn’t a race or a game that you win. If she’s meant to be with you, she’s going to pick YOU regardless of who else is around. That was the point that Nick was trying to make in saying that he was glad that Josh Murray was on Andi’s season. They obviously weren’t destined. Just like Justin, despite everyone’s constant attempts, is not destined to have a reasonable haircut.

The rose ceremony takes place at Citifield in an apparent polar vortex as everyone shivers and shakes while Kaitlyn sends Jonathan, Ryan and Corey home and keeps Nick in play. Did you notice how ABC intentionally left out music at this part? You could hear the sighs loud and clear. People. Are. PISSED.

Off to Texas we go.

Ben H. gets the one-on-one and it couldn’t be any cuter. He’s masculine without being too overbearing and feminine enough without being Ryan B. She’s obviously into the manly men, but I think she likes the softer side of Ben H. And if she doesn’t, he can come right to Macungie. I’m sure Jade would be okay with a third roommate.

Who else wants to turn up with Betty Jo? That woman has the cutest voice and she moves well for being 140 years old. I thought they did a good job with the dancing, and their dinner conversation felt very honest without being too forced. I can tell she really likes Ben H. because:

Counselor talk: There are certain men on this season who, when she speaks to them one-on-one, she takes a back seat and lets them be in control. Ben H. is one, Ben Z. is one and Shawn is another. I interpret this as her genuinely being into them. She’s too giddy and nervous inside to be super chatty and does more listening than talking. She also doesn’t get offended when they say things that might not be viewed as the “ideal” or “PC” answer. See also: when Shawn told her he wished she was “smarter” about Nick. If JJ had said that, it would be game over.

Anyway, my point is, all of these guys are super hot good contenders for the Bachelor. Saying it now, people.

The group date is weird and that is putting it mildly. Ian has a breakdown because he doesn’t perform well (again), Jared’s facial hair has reached an all-time low, and Justin definitely did the Kylie Jenner lip challenge before this date. Seriously…he looks like Mrs. Potato Head.

Nick steals the show by serenading Kaitlyn atop a balcony and nobody can say anything because they are all pissed they didn’t think of it. Joshua’s face is slowly getting redder and redder and may just explode all over the sidewalk. The innocent bystanders audience does not seem impressed at all by this travesty and the crowd slowly thins out over the course of the episode. Thank god it’s over. My ears are bleeding.

P.S. Did Tanner even go?

As if that wasn’t horrifying enough, the after party to this date is potentially worse. The only real thing that happens is that Joshua decides he will sacrifice himself to the gods and tell Kaitlyn that Nick is full of shit and everybody hates him. Kaitlyn likes to stir the pot, we know this, but it seems like every single week she is calling somebody out in public. Everybody was in agreement about Ryan and Kupah and Clint, but this time they are too afraid to agree with Joshua and leave him out to dry in a mayjah way. Talk about a plan backfiring. Nick gets the group rose. I’m sorry, what?

Oh, and Joshua’s new hairdo courtesy of Kaitlyn is so Britney circa 2007. Goes perfectly with his meltdown.

Shawn’s one-on-one is great. He starts off by standing up for Joshua, which I thought was a really boss move. He obviously wasn’t on the group date so he didn’t get a chance to stand up for him then, so I think this was the next best thing. Now, I don’t think Joshua is long for this world, but I think he scored major brownie points with Kaitlyn by doing so. Bonus points for basically telling her that Nick is a huge weenie.

After they kayak through some weird river, they sit down to have a heart-to-heart about how Shawn almost died once.

Shawn: The car flipped, like, 74 times and I army-crawled back up the road where the forest animals helped me back to civilization….

Kaitlyn: I’m undressing you with my eyes.

Shawn says he’s falling in love with Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn surprisingly reciprocates, and the makeout ensues.

At the cocktail party, Jared tells Kaitlyn he’s falling in love with her but nobody cares because a series of Ian’s interviews from the season are being spliced together to make him look like the ultimate douche.  Don’t get me wrong, he said all those things and deserves the twitter massacre that is coming his way, but it was pretty obvious that ABC was working their magic.

Eventually, the most eligible bachelor in the country and in the world decides he needs to tell Kaitlyn just how self-absorbed she really is and sits down with her to lay it all out there. After all, he’s an ivy-league graduate athlete who cheated death, guys. He loves his story. He’s the new Kelsey.

Ian: I can’t live in these conditions. All these guys do is talk about farting and pooping.

Kaitlyn: Ha. Poop.

This is Ian

The episode shockingly ends without a cocktail party and we are made to believe that next week we will finally find out who Kaitlyn slept with on that notorious date. I can hardly contain myself.