Bachelor Chris: Week 7 Part 2

Almost 5 hours of Bachelor this week.  I had to stay up super late to finish the Sunday episode on DVR after the sorority meeting, but I’m not even mad about it. Seeing Britt walk over to the road and throw herself under the bus was arguably the most entertaining portion of this season. See you and your dry shampoo at the WTA.

He's totally gonna take me back. 

Britt:  Guys, I just packed my stuff.

Jade: Because you didn’t get one rose?

Britt: He, like, gave it to someone else.

Kaitlyn: I’m literally sitting right here.

No cocktail party? No problem. Britt will just make her own little cocktail party in the back. Only this time Chris is not having it. This is the second or third time she’s put him on the spot, the exception being that this time she did it in FRONT of everybody else. Oh, and the fact that Carly has been shitting on her for two weeks probably doesn’t help her cause. Oops.

 She starts off by apologizing for putting him on the spot while Chris nods incessantly. She then asks him if there’s anything he wants to say to her. Worst. Mistake. Of. Your. Life.

I can forgive Chris for all his bad conversations thus far because he FINALLY showed emotion and said what he was feeling. All the while, she is trying to talk over him and he is just getting louder and more forceful with her. She just wanted to be able to flutter her eyelashes and get out of it. NOT IN MY HOUSE.

The girls are now sitting down in the other room. How long were they gone for?

Britt finally gives up the fight and lets Chris say his peace. With her dying breath, rather than apologizing or thanking him for the experience, Britt instead decides to plead for the name of her narc. Chris doesn’t give up Carly’s name, but Britt is already on the war path. He shuts it down by saying that the way Carly reacted was how he wants someone to react in his future.

Which would’ve been romantic if he didn’t send her home ten minutes later.

Self-deprecating Carly gets in the Uber and drives away, wondering what’s wrong with her all the way home. ABC will definitely not pick her as the next Bachelorette because she played the role of the class clown this season, not the girl-next-door. I definitely think she could end up on Bachelor In Paradise, though. As could Britt, assuming she’s not still sitting in the front yard crying.

How about that Johnson & Johnson commercial? That baby was freaking adorable.

Hometown dates!

Historically, hometown dates give us an overbearing parent or sibling, somebody who blows it big time, somebody who lives in a mansion, and a serious sense of wondering how some of these people share genes. This episode did not disappoint. Starting with Becca.

Becca’s sister gives zero fucks about making this experience as uncomfortable as possible. She just told you she didn’t tell him about being a virgin. Why are you telling Chris that she’s not an intimate person? Why is your MOTHER also commenting on Becca’s conservative lifestyle? Why are you all basically insinuating that she’s a robot? LEAVE BRITNEY BECCA ALONE!

Chris must really like her, though, because this hometown was an unusual blend of boring and uncomfortable. Sort of like the time Kirk took Ali Fedotowsky to see his dad’s taxidermy collection.

Remember Kirk? I need to find out where that man got to.

Whitney’s hometown begged a lot of questions:

1.       How much paperwork did it take to get into this hospital with 400 cameras?

2.       What’s the point of a medical cap if your bangs are sticking out in front?

3.       Why is it always the ugly sister who feels the need to ruin it for the pretty one?                You’re already married. Step aside.

When Chris stopped Whitney outside her house to ask about getting a blessing, I thought she was going to cry. I really did. After all, she has cried over less significant things. But she kept it together. Probably because she knew her sister was waiting within. If he asked other parents for blessings, they didn’t show it. And if he didn’t ask, well, you know.

Whitney: Ok, listen, sister. I’ve seen this show. This is the part where the frontrunner doesn’t get a rose because her dumb sibling messes this up. Don’t mess this up for me.

Sister: I do what I want.

Good for Whitney for trying, but just like with Becca, a little family nonsense doesn’t seem to be swaying Chris. I think at this point he knows what he wants to do. All the rest is a formality.

No Blessing For You. 

Also, I think Whitney's sister is pretty obviously a descendant of Margaret Hamilton, a.k.a. the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz. 

Kaitlyn is so fun. I will admit that she has grown on me. I’m pulling for her to be the new Bachelorette at this point, mostly because Jade is too shy, Carly is too sassy and Britt is too…much. Partially because we made a bet in my office and if she is the next Bachelorette, Joe and Jade owe me a coffee each.

Kaitlyn and Chris and their matching weird laughs enjoy a casual recording studio sesh.

Rhythm: 1 Chris: 0.

I would like to live in this condo in Arizona, please. The décor, the cute little patio fire pit, the well-balanced meal? I mean, come on! This looks like quite the life. I’m strangely unaffected by her parents and their new spouses cohabitating so nicely, too. Canadians for the win.  

Kaitlyn stole the idea for her billboard from Chris from last season when he flew a plane over the cornfields for Andi, so of course this goes over well.  

Kaitlyn: I want to give you 100% of me.

Chris: And you will. Next week in the fantasy suite.

Now, I know we’re all thinking that Chris ditched Jade this week because of her nudies, but one will never know for sure if he genuinely felt more connected to Becca and Kaitlyn. I’m excluding Whitney because I think we all are assuming she will reign victorious. I also know that the pickins for Bachelorette are slim, so I’m thinking maybe the producers had a hand in her being let go now instead of later. Plus, how trashy would he look if he took the girl who just told you about her sexual past to the fantasy suite and then dumped her right after? Yikes.

I knew Jade was a goner before the date was even halfway done. Jade’s dad asked Chris if he was falling in love with her. He responded honestly that he was, and that is totally cool for him to have admitted. What was totally UNcool was how ABC aired it. There was absolutely no way they would show Chris specifying whom he was falling in love with, let alone ONE girl exclusively, without her being the one let go that night. I again refer to the time Des said she was in love with Brooks and he left her alone on the dock. Call me crazy, but my vault of Bachelor episodes past always come in handy.

Jade gets the boot.

Wild mustangs gotta run free.