Bachelor Nick: Week 6

Welcome back, rose lovers. I need to address my complete disregard for the blog these last few weeks real quick. I hadn’t been watching the Bachelor on time on Mondays because I was hanging out with a boy and he happened to only really be free on Mondays. He also happened to end up really hurting my feelings and ghosting me after a month so there’s that. Anyway, what do we learn from this situation? We don’t give up the Bachelor for boys. It never ends well.

Anyway, I am back and better than ever. Let’s dive right back into the hot mess express, shall we?

So things don’t end well for Taylor or her frizzy ponytail. She tries to throw Corrine under the bus desperately but to no avail.

Taylor: She’s fake and everybody hates her!

Nick: You don’t even go here.

Anyway, Taylor leaves (for real this time) and Corrine and Nick make out in a corner. I'm super confused about the season because Nick is in a thermal sweater and Taylor is in jean shorts.

There’s a rose ceremony and Jaimi, Josephine and Alexis are all sent packing. Alexis better be on Paradise, that’s all I have to say about that. She might be able to see a dolphin, you guys. The Bachelor makes dreams come true.

This group date is a hot.damn.mess. Why is Vanessa screaming through, like, this whole episode? I’m wondering if somebody put something in the rum punch because everybody seems beyond drunk. They’re yelling, they’re crying, they’re napping, they’re pushing each other. It’s like kindergarten!

Watching Jasmine is like watching a social experiment about someone who has never been let out of their house before. She spends the whole episode bitching about getting alone time with Nick, only to waste her alone time with Nick bitching about how long it took to get it. Oh, and let’s not forget the time she threatened to choke him. But it was okay because it was in a sexual way, right?

Anyway, she has to go because she’s obviously about to kill somebody with a coconut. I think Raven gets the group rose but honestly who cares because ANOTHER 2-ON-1 is afoot! I know we’ve all been wondering who Whitney is (besides a distant relative of Karlie Kloss, yes?) including Nick, who brings her on the date with Danielle to finally be able to tell them apart. We all expected Whitney to go, but I wasn’t expecting her to get a little saucy.

Nick: I don’t think you’re the one for me.

Whitney: And you think Danielle is?

Nick: It’s DLO! Gosh, Whitney. You are so STUPID!

Anyway, Whitney is left on the beach alone while Nick and Danielle fly away in a helicopter to…a….jail? I guess I should’ve seen the signs. I have to give Nick some credit because sending Danielle home in this way must’ve been mega awkward when he could’ve just done it at the rose ceremony the next week (less confrontation) but he legitimately couldn’t have been more bored by her. It was written all over his face. I didn’t want to be right about her but sadly, an un-iced poptart is easy to spot.

Cya

I want to be that producer who wheels away the bags. Just once. What an exciting job!

Now we’re left to face the reality that Nick sent 3 women home before the rose ceremony and the women are freaking out. So are the producers, because we need to make this shit last another 4 weeks, y’all. Stop sending everybody home.

He comes to the hotel to basically tell the women none of them are exciting enough to keep his attention and he might just bail. He leaves, and exactly zero of them go after him. So, maybe he’s right lol.

P.S. I completely forgot about Kristina's date. It was sweet and I enjoyed listening to her story. I just probably forgot because it's too little too late for her I think.