Each year, we are fortunate enough to witness three bachelor franchise masterpieces in the form of the bachelor, bachelorette and bachelor in paradise. Unfortunately, the 2014 bachelor cycle was lackluster at best. The Juan Pablo gamble did not really pay off for ABC as they had hoped, Andi's season of the bachelorette had the lowest ratings in bachelor franchise history, & Bachelor in Paradise was, well, you get the picture. Basically, 2014 was a wash. Darn.
Luckily, ABC was given quite the gift when Chris Soules ended up on Andi's season, emerging early on as the obvious choice for the next Bachelor. After a few unsuccessful risks these last few years (annoying Bachelorette Ashley, unconventional and belittling Ben Flajnik, unemotional Juan Pablo), ABC is going with the foolproof all-American theme that has worked so well for them in the past. By the preview, this season has the potential to be either as colorful and animated as Sean's cast or to follow suit of 2014 and fall flat. Only time will tell.
The live premiere was a waste of time and a joke. Chris Harrison squandered an hour interviewing
the bachelor couples who still exist while the B-list Bachelor castaways floated about in the background. Also, that horrendous conversation with Nikki was like nails on a chalkboard. Clearly, Chris Harrison is still bitter about the after the final rose fiasco with Juan Pablo. He so desperately wanted Nikki to say that Juan Pablo was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad person, but she was having none of it. Instead, she spent those painful 7 minutes fixing her hair and saying "um." I would've much rather spent the hour learning more about the 30 women form this season than watch Elise follow Dylan around the red carpet. Give it up, girl!My initial reaction to the premiere was that they spent so much time worrying about onlyhalf of the women arriving at a time, they didn't really give us time to learn much about them individually. We did, of course, have a few of the usual suspects; the token black girl, the drunk, the girl who shows up with an embarrassing prop and the single mom. No obvious villains to speak of just yet, but I'm sure one or more will appear eventually.
Whitney's (who we shall refer to ass baby maker) voice is a tad annoying at first, but I do think she's really pretty and hopefully the high voice is just the way she acts when she's overly excited. She seems like she has some southern charm, though I think she said she's from Chicago. Amandas on this show are always crazy. There have only been a few but they never make it far. Clearly, this was no exception. Amanda, or Esmeralda as I will be referring to her due to the gypsy crop top she was sporting, thought it best to list her disdain for cooking, cleaning and paying her own bills as her shining attributes on night one. I can't imagine why she didn't get a rose.
Flight attendant Alyssa is maybe, MAYBE 16 years old. The girl who brought the fake heart was likely coerced into doing so by ABC, but nonetheless it was awkward and off-putting. Mackenzie, the single mother, seems kind of childish. Maybe it was just her Little Mermaid on Ice costume, but I didn't get a ready-to-settle-down vibe.
Crazy Ashley, who will henceforth be known as Alice in Wonderland, didn't blink the entire episode. I'd like to say it was the alcohol that got to her, but sadly she was like that when she got out of the limo.
Speaking of crazy, I think a fun game this season will be to keep track of Kaitlyn's one-liners each episode. So far we have the infamous, "You can plow my field anytime," or, "Sometimes when I tell a joke, people laugh."I think he likes the widow because she looks like Andi a little. Also, she looks like Chelsea Kane from Disney channel.
Trina, aka side pony, is going to be this season's gossip and pot-stirrer. I can tell already. She was always hiding in the bushes watching the limos arrive or interrogating women as they came to sit down on the couches. She wants to be in the know. That's probably why she left her one ear exposed with the side pony; the better to hear you with, my dear.
Meanwhile, back in front of the live audio audience, Chris Harrison is interviewing a gaggle of sturdy Iowa farm ladies. Jade and I were about 10 seconds into bashing them and their matching hairstyles before my mom reminded me they all are married already. Shit. Still, the one had on almost a black lip & looked like she runs an Iowa fight club.
Perhaps they will ask Tara to join. She is this year's token drunk contestant, and, just like Craig last season, was able to squeeze by to the next week somehow. She seemed to have a cool vibe about her at first (what with the costume change and all) but as she continued to drink Jamison out of a porcelain mug, things started to go progressively downhill.
Meanwhile outside, Alice in Wonderland is having a meaningless conversation with Chris about...I'm not exactly sure. Some girl, maybe Megan, walked up and said, "Where is this conversation going?" Why aren't there more Megans around?
Obviously, he and Britt have a connection and she's cute and obviously very sweet. However, I won't put too many of my eggs in her basket because as we know, the ones they focus on the first week aren't usually the ones who make it to the end.
Later on, bachelor Chris is struggling with his decision to keep Tara or not as she wobbles all over the top step during the rose ceremony.
Chris Harrison seems to be calmly trying to coerce him into keeping her, because who else is gonna get them ratings? In the end, Chris obliges and gives Tara the rose.Plus size, gym rat and baby maker are in the back there throwing shade. Esmeralda looks shocked but, then again, she always kind of looks like that. Eventually, his roses have been given and the rejected women saunter out into the front yard where the SUN IS SHINING because this ordeal had taken a full 12 hours.
This premiere wasn't all that exciting, but apparently a camping trip gone awry is going to add some spice to this season. I'm hoping as time goes on that these women get more interesting, because right now they all seem to be ready for french braiding and a sleepover.
xoxo,
Amanda
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