The Bachelorette is wasting no time this season in getting
things fired up. It’s week 2 and ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a
villain. Sometimes I think people get a bad edit on this show or are
misunderstood. That is not what I think about Chad. I think Chad is as arrogant
and blunt as he comes off. And you know what? He doesn’t care. And, to add
insult to injury, now he has himself a hype man in the form of Canadian Daniel.
“Imma let you finish, but Chad makes one of the best protein shakes of all
time!”
But before we get into all things Chad, we have to go through
the first group date. Here comes Chris Harrison with the date card and I have
to ask myself exactly what is the season? Some guys are in tank tops, some have
beanies on, some even are sporting leather jackets. Pick a climate.
The lucky few on the group date are chosen and Chad deems them
the B-team. Not exactly wrong in my eyes, Chad. I think these were the ones she
wasn’t sure about after night one and wanted to learn more about. They leave on
the firefighting date and Chad is talking about how he used to sell cars.
It's all starting to make sense.
Normally on this show, somebody with a guitar or weird talent
gets ostracized, but in this scenario James Taylor is the absolute man. They
are actually sitting around writing songs about a girl they are all trying to
date like it’s totally normal. Brooding Chad and his head-to-toe black ensemble
are off eating lunchmeat somewhere, probably scowling.
This fire date is no joke. Poor Wells is the size of a toothpick
and has no business holding an axe let alone participating in this experience.
I wish we could’ve seen more of the guys participate and less of Wells’
near-death experience.
Oh the firefighter won the firefighting date? Cool.
Did anybody else notice when they cheersed on the group date and
somebody had water? Hopefully it was Daniel.
Evan: “I'm the only guy here who actually has kids.” That actually IS amazing. So many
opportunities for a hot dad. And yet…
I have a serious question. Is Luke cute? I really can't tell. In
some shots he’s dreamy and in others (see also his ABC headshot) he looks like
he may date his cousin. What do we think? He’s obviously romantic and athletic
and owns a leather jacket so he’s off to a good start. JoJo seems to like it,
and they make out on a rooftop for at least 4 minutes before returning to the
group where JoJo gives the group date rose to…Wells.
And nobody is more surprised than Wells.
Now it’s time for the date with John Krasinkski a.k.a. Derek.
Derek seemed nervous but sweet in the first episode but quickly he’s fallen
from grace in my opinion. I think he’s just really nice and soft-spoken and a gentlemen
but also really, incredibly boring. JoJo gave him the option of dressed up or
dressed down and he picked dressed down. Ew. They decide to stay dressed down
for the afternoon portion of the date and then somehow he didn’t get the memo
about being dressed up for the night portion. She shows up looking like a disco
ball and he looks like he’s off to cheer on Princeton at the regatta.
JoJo: Tell me about
your last relationship.
Derek: Gosh this is
so hard because I haven't told anybody about this...besides the producers.
I'm not belittling his experience—cheating is a serious matter—but
I find him to be about as exciting as my bimonthly staff meetings. Whatever,
he gets the rose because it’s week two. "I'll never forget tonight."
...Well that makes one of us.
Next group date. Let’s
take the firefighter to a firefighter date and let’s take Aaron Rodgers’
brother to ESPN. Makes total sense. The guys have to do a series of goofy
things like make up a touchdown dance, propose to JoJo and, of course,
participate in dizzy bat. What determines love? Dizzy bat determines
love.
Chad is having none of it and is complaining incessantly in his
off-screen interview. He thinks everyone is stupid and taking this experience
as a joke. P.S. whichever producer gets to work with Chad during this season is
one lucky duck. If they get bonuses for airtime, cha-ching.
Also if my phone could stop autocorrecting Jojo to Joni that'd
be great.
James Taylor wins the challenge and gets…um….extra time at the
cocktail party with her? I’m not really sure that anybody who “won” a date this
week got anything special besides a death stare and some hateful words from
Chad, but then again that’s kind of the gift with purchase of this season.
During his one-on-one time, James Taylor reads a poem he
wrote for JoJo and tells her that he knows he’s not the most attractive guy
there but has a big heart. Aww, James. How self-deprecating and relatable.
I LOVE that Jordan is bros with most of the guys. Every time they
cut to a shot of him he’s laughing or goofing off with one of them. He also put
up an Instagram yesterday that said, “20+ guys vying for one girl…doesn’t mean
you can’t make a few friends along the way.” I’ve been saying this for years!
The Bachelor/Bachelorette is like Bumble BFF before it was a thing.
Chad has some one-on-one time with JoJo which they use to
discuss Chad calling her naggy on their not-even first date. Somehow, it gets
turned around onto JoJo and Chad reassured her that there’s no confusion and he
knows she wasn’t’ trying to be mean. Um….what?
JoJo: Why was your
last relationship 4 years ago?
Chad: Because I was
making that money, honey.
Chad, are you financially ready for a relationship? I’m not sure
because you haven’t mentioned it yet.
QUOTE OF THE
NIGHT:
Jordan: What if Chad
gets the rose?
James Taylor: I'd have to
rethink my whole life.
Not today, JT, because YOU get the rose! Four for you, Glen
Coco!
Now it’s time for the cocktail party and Chad is waiting outside
to intercept JoJo. If ANY of the other guys had done this, America would’ve
been swooning uncontrollably. But it was Chad so. Oh, and Chad took this
opportunity to diss Greek life. Boy BYE.
Also JoJo stop saying thanks every time somebody kisses you. It’s
weird.
I was all about team Alex last week but now I have to cut him loose.
Why Are you getting involved? Who actually cares if he was sitting outside
waiting for her to show up. You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first. Do you watch this show? Snitches go HOME. DO
NOT TELL HER.
Guys, I don’t know who Chase is but I’m into it. He’s a cutie
AND he made his own date this week AND he said winter is his favorite AND he
made snow for her. Cute and
resourceful. I can’t put my finger on it but there’s something about him that I
like. Maybe it’s because he reminds me of my friend Brandon. Brandon, I know
you’re reading this so HEY.
The night basically revolves around JoJo talking to one or two
of the guys before Chad butts in. He’s making a habit of it the more he sees it
bothers Alex the Marine. He probably interrupted her 4 times to have
meaningless conversations.
JoJo: So are you
happy to be here?
Chad: Yes, I came
home yesterday from our date and I was thinking about you which is unusual for me to think of
anybody else.
In the end, hipster Brandon, weird-kiss-Will and bachelor
superfan James go home. I’m a little upset about James, because he was kind of
my favorite.
LAST THOUGHT
Chad: I'm just gonna
keep drinking protein shakes, working out and eating food.
Same, Chad. Same.
Until next time….
xoxo,
Amanda
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