Sturdy Girls Unite!

Christmas is in less than a week and by some strange twist of fate, my longtime group of friends has finally managed to book an actual vacation for the time between Christmas and New Years. In preparation for the upcoming festivities (which includes two parties to celebrate Christmas and New Year's), I have been spending a lot of time searching for the perfect dresses to don on these occasions. Much of this shopping has been done online, so naturally the size chart from each site has been a frequent visitor to my desktop. 

For most of my adult life, I've been limited to the larges and extra larges on the dress rack due to the massive gift(s) mother nature gave me in the fifth grade. This is infuriating when my waist and hips coincide with the female average in this country, but I don't want to look like an overstuffed pepper and often make my way to the plus size or grandma section of the store. I would detest my upper half far less if companies took into account those of us who simply cannot squeeze into little triangle-top bathing suits or strapless mini dresses, but judging by my recent experience with the size charts of today, it seems I'll be doomed to the grandma section for eternity. 

The facts stand that most companies would rather have fewer customers walking around in their product-as long as they were size four or smaller-than have more business and expand their line to include sizes above a 10. High-end fashion moguls call it an "aesthetic choice" to not include larger sizes suggesting that anything larger than a 10 looks bad in the clothing. This concept of "larger", however, is something that is all relative to the population in question. 

Large: adjective. Of greater size than the ordinary, esp. with reference to a size of clothing or to the size of a packaged commodity.

If the average dress size of an American woman is a 14, doesn't than mean that these clothes are all extra small? It baffles me that the supply and demand is so inverted in this case. Here, businesses have a group of women (who seem to be the overwhelming majority due to recent obesity poll in the United States) who are ready and willing to spend money on clothing that fits and instead of making themselves more marketable and more profitable, they're deciding to limit their target audience to a small percentage of the population. News flash: sturdy girls have money, too. 

 In my case, finding dresses or tops is usually the issue, so when I find something that fits, I'll take six of them. That is until I check the price tag. Why on god's green earth is this flimsy piece of cotton with a sequin on it $75.00? It seems unfair that some women can find stylish, trendy outfits for next-to-nothing while others are reduced to dressing up a nice muumuu with a belt. Furthermore, while the fashion industry has made tremendous strides in at least recognizing average-looking women, the runways are still bamboozling viewers everywhere when they release their plus size collections. 

This is a plus-sized model. Right.

A few years back, Glamour did an editorial on plus size models and the shocking findings suggested that maybe these models weren't really all that "plus-sized" to begin with. One model (who wears a size 12, lower than the national average) admitted to wearing padding under her clothes in other to fill out the clothing when she's been booked for a plus size gig. Why are you booking someone who doesn't fit the clothes? It's one thing to tailor a shirt or pants but entirely something different to inflate someone to fit a dress two or three sizes larger! The reasoning? The booking editor at Glamour says that there aren't many plus size models available due to lack of employment opportunities for such models. 

So I say, to all the fashion entrepreneurs of our time, someone PLEASE be ballsy enough to make dresses to fit my chest or her hips or her ass that are affordable and cute. Is that too much to ask? You'll be surprised at the business you get, believe me.

The Personality Traits I Just Can't Handle

1.       Speaking quietly and or mumbling. I don’t mean in a library or when you’re trying to be discreet.  I mean in general. I’m sorry, WHAT DID YOU SAY? My dog-ears must not be working properly. Speak up for god’s sake. If the teacher calls on you, everyone is already silent waiting for your reply. You might as well make your response audible so she doesn’t have to ask you to repeat yourself nine times. Which leads me to…

2.       People who ask you a question you legitimately answered less than a minute ago. It’s fine when it happens once in a while or if you come into a conversation late. However, we all know those people who you’re talking to and their eyes are slowly drifting over your left shoulder and you know that you could quickly switch the conversation to that time you went to prison for killing a man over a sandwich and they wouldn’t even flinch. The most aggravating part is when they ask you something you just spent five minutes describing in detail. Worst of all is when they do it more than once in a conversation. At that point, I reserve my right to pivot on the spot and walk away from you.

3. People who know how to use their phones but don’t. That’s right, I’m getting personal with these, now. We all have them; those friends who are constantly on their phones playing games, reading emails and texting others yet can’t seem to respond to you when you text or call them. The excuses I’ve heard are incredible. Somehow I’ve never seen you without your phone in hand and yet miraculously when I text you, your phone has sprouted legs and walked away from you. Equally comical is the text you get the next morning saying, “Sorry, my phone died.” My response to that? I COULD HAVE DIED. Maybe I was texting you with my last ounce of energy after being hit by a car laying in the middle of 309 waiting for death. Usually, it’s just cause I wanted to make plans, but the above situation could happen.

4. When people transpose letters in words regularly. I admit, I may say a word wrong the first time I see it, but for the most part, I live my life by the “sound it out” rule. For example, Chipotle. I see that to the untrained eye this may look like chip-pot-tul or sheep-paw-tul but there is no excuse for saying chip-ol-tay. The T is on the other side of the L, people. CHIP-OLT-LAY.

5. Improper usage of their, there and they’re, to, two and too and it’s/its. Judge me if you dare, but I can almost hear my bff emitting a groan just reading the title because I know she shares my disgust for people who can’t distinguish the differences between these common words. Their: possessive. At their house. Easy to remember because there’s an “I” in it. Think I, me, my, possessive. There: direction or place. Over there. He got there around nine. They’re: contraction. That little mark isn’t chocolate from your fingers; it’s an apostrophe. It indicates that two words have now become one. Think of the apostrophe as a priest and the words are getting married. They + are. And they lived happily ever after.

6. People who think they look awesome but really they look awful. In no way am I suggesting I look put-together or sexy at all times but I can at least admit that when I try, I look decent. I know this because I am 100% aware of when I look a hot damn mess. If you can admit this to yourself, you must be open enough to acknowledge the times you do look awesome. Enter stage left: the chick who spent hours on herself and still looks a hot damn mess. She tried to look like that. She bought those pants with those holes or knew she was only buying half of a shirt. These types of ladies say they’re following a trend or trying to make a statement. Sorry, folks. If I’m wearing sweatpants, it’s not because I’m trying to make a statement. It’s because I’m trying to get my eat on at Friendly’s.

7. Selfishness. Self-explanatory.

8. When you’re never wrong. Being able to admit you’re wrong is hard to do, but admitting to being wrong doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. There are those people who will never say the words, “You’re right. I was wrong.” I have friends that won’t ever utter these words. Either they don’t see that they’re wrong (scary) or they just won’t admit it (scarier). If everyone in the room knows you’re wrong, who are you trying to fool, yourself?

9. People who can’t handle confrontation. Believe me, I hate it as much as the next gal, but being in a sorority taught me some valuable lessons about personality types and what to expect when fights break out. There’s always that person who just walks away. “I’m not dealing with this. You’re all bitches!” Then, there’s the mirror. “Oh, yeah? Well you blew me off last year so you suck, too!” Parents tend to be the worst at this. If they’re loosing a battle of words with their child, they’ll bring up some chore you didn’t do when you were 8 and throw it into the conversation like it’s relevant. “Well, yes, I did forget to clean my hamster’s cage that one time but what does that have to do with me taking the car?”